Falling

I’m falling down from a great height, there is nothing around me just air, I m falling at great speed. My hands are involuntarily trying to hold on to something, but all I catch hold of is the air.

I don’t know at what height I am, I don’t know when I will hit the ground. Time is passing and I’m still falling, trying to stop myself, trying to get a hold of SOMETHING. But I can only feel the air rush by me as I fall.

I’m very conscious and am waving my hands and legs around trying to save myself, and I got a hold of my Bible from my pocket. I immediately held onto it as if it were a branch of tree that will stop my fall, like it were a rope tied to a rock, like it were my teddy bear in bed, like it were my last packet of food and water, like it were the parachute rope...

Time went by, and I’m still falling, but I have something to hold on to. I've got a grip. I have comfort. I have no fear.

Time is passing, hours, days, years; I m falling all my life. I know not when I will hit the ground, but I have a consolation, a support, a foothold, a hand holding me and words consoling me.

Though I’m falling, I fall peacefully. I will let go of myself and enjoy the fall. If life is meant to be a fall, I will find a way to fall it well with the help of God.

P.S.: Are you falling? Here, take the Bible and hold onto it.

Act I Scene II

Cant believe I've been living so long in this world.. feels like a short while. My mind thinks only of the present moment, But my memory does not fail me as I am reminded of a long past.

A past I pleasantly think of... A lot of memories, from my childhood, youth and every little phase of growth..

Why does life change so constantly?

Why do we grow up?

Why should we move on?

I have spent several trillion seconds on earth.. I want every second to be meaningful...

But by God's grace I have nothing to regret till this second...nothing to regret but a lot to cherish. And I pray that by the grace of God and the guidance of His spirit, i may take every step in life in the name of Jesus, with confidence and never regret it.

Cos i like happy endings :) May I live to spread the love and peace which I receive through Christ. I want to be an example to others,  and want to give another reason to live for those who are suffering in their present life. I want to make my life meaningful.. but not just to myself.. but to all my fellow beings. For everyone is beloved in the sight of God. 

This can be a prayer.. But its also a poem from my heart.. It might include too much Religion. But Faith is my ONLY treasure. Faith in God , the Bible , Jesus Christ, are the reasons for my happiness and my motivation to live. They are the reason for my life to be beautiful in my own sight. 

I am writing this, at a point when I have taken a decision to move on, from one one scene to another, in the play of 'My Life' (or 'Life of Bue' if you please .. Haha) and  such a day is not the first of its kind , in my life. I have moved on many a times, from being a baby to a school kid, from one school to another, from writing in lead, to writing in ink, from short pinafores to salwars, from school to college, from cultural to symposiums, from first semester to eighth semester, from college student to 2012 pass-out, from student to employee, from having class mates to colleagues and team mates. From lead by principal to manager, from appointment confirmation to resignation. Life s constantly changing, today i have realized that its about time I make my life exponentially improve, in peacefulness, happiness, friendship, love and everything thing else that is good. I know I'll do it.. But only by the grace of God!

I don't like this moving on business :( but after trying to analyse my life and after writing this down.. I feel a lot better now... However I will surely miss being in what has passed.

But i m happy I am going to a new scene, with new actors and a new part to play. But I will always remember my actual role which is to entertain the audience, which in my play of life is God and His

greatness!

P.S : Ecclesiastes Ch:3

11 God has made everything fit beautifully in its appropriate time, but he has also placed ignorance in the

human heart so that people cannot discover what God has ordained, from the beginning to the end of their lives.

12 I have concluded that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to enjoy themselves as long as they live,

13 and also that everyone should eat and drink, and find enjoyment in all his toil, for these things are a gift from God.

I stopped waiting.

I was online, a regular Saturday evening, relaxing but waiting impatiently for someone to come online.

I waited for long, very long.

Then i decided to send a message to the person to notify that I am waiting for them, in the form of an image or something. I searched 'am waiting for you' on the internet and while i browsed through and came to the first result; it was a video saying 'I am waiting for you' and I thought it would be just the usual boring love songs you often stumble upon.  I looked into the description and spotted the word 'God' somewhere in the middle and I immediately opened it without a second thought.

I wanted to go to God, I was tired waiting, i needed rest.

Then the video played, it was an instrumental, with lyrics scrolling by. As I watched, I put God in the place of a human, and imagined Him in the same state that I am in and telling me 'I'm waiting for you'. I realized.... someone is waiting for me, and waiting for long, longer than I could ever know.

So I stopped waiting... and decided to write this post :)

The song was beautiful, started with a note about the return of the prodigal son, then it had many beautiful verses about God's concern and affection for me. At the end of the 3 minute video, I felt that my wait has meet its desired end. I am satisfied that my wait ended in this happiness of closeness with God.

So i wanna tell everyone to stop waiting, because there is no reason to wait when God has all the time in the world to respond to us the very next millisecond we raise a need to talk to Him. Why wait for something else when you can always receive something better with no wait. Have you heard of a fairer deal?

PS: Click to watch "I am waiting for you"

A Sweet Moment

It was a moment that gave me the happiness of a lifetime.

A couple of years back, I was walking home from the bus stop, after a regular college day. I was preoccupied with what was done and what was left to be done for the day. It was a dry evening with the sun still lighting the surroundings. I was tired, lonely and dull, because I was walking alone, carrying a heavy backpack with nobody to communicate with in person or in texts.

I became bored, and soon became sad. I kept walking lazily with my head hanging down and took the usual road home. Dissolved in the sadness of the moment, I lost all hope that the day would get any better. With the same lazy sway of the head I looked up and back down. In the split second of looking up a beautiful spectacle caught my eye and I jerked and looked back up.

My heart was painted with joy. And I kept my eyes on it, the beautiful yellow flowers on the tall tree. I reduced my pace and walked, my head facing up, as I enjoyed every bit of the moment. The bright yellow inflorescence dangling from the tree, so many bunches of them that the tree was yellow all over. I felt they were put there just for me, for they have long been my favorite flowers. It was like receiving a surprise bouquet of flowers. Looking steadily at my large bouquet, I glided by it, then when past it, still looking back at it.No more dullness, the rest of my day was a blossomed flower.

Somebody wanted to lighten up my mood and make me smile. Somebody, who knew the trick. Somebody, who cared the most about my happiness. 

Can it be anyone else but the One who made me? How happy are we to have such a Creator. 

PS: The Tree is the Indian Lauburn which is a deciduous tree found in many parts of India.
Yay!! Look at me posing with my favourite tree at the Field Museum, Chicago, IL.

My Debut

It was, last Friday, the 12th of April that I visited them. It was nearly 4 months after my previous visit to their place, and unlike my previous visit before which I made sure to practice my singing and sing through my voice exercises, I did not do any such practice last Friday. And just like the previous visit, we did not sing last Friday.

Let me take you back in time, to my birthday in December 2012. Woke up from my bed, and the day began with a short warm up, but which, due to anxiety, was extended till lunch time. I practiced my part, at the least 40 times that morning. It was my birthday, the day when my mother would cook 10 different dishes of my choice, but it was going to be different this year. I better eat light, so that I have belly support to sing. And that’s right! I was singing in a concert, on my birthday, and in one of the oldest and most beautiful churches in my city.

Let me take you back in time, when ‘Aunty’ came over to my house to ask me to join their chorale. I sing, but I was not a trained singer (and the usual attitude of ‘I enjoy singing’, ‘I sing for my own happiness’, etc). And since I’ve always seen myself as a member of a choir whenever I envision my future life, this was a great opportunity. I had nothing to hesitate about, and with my parents’ permission, I FINALLY joined a choir.

And after four months of training from the director of my Chorale, I was now standing on the raised platform which is meant for a soloist, dressed in white, holding the music in my hands, the lights put out and pews of audience holding lit candles facing me, the rest of the choir behind me humming, and I sang, alone, as the flautist played the counter melody… “Silent Night..”

That was my debut in Solo singing. And people whom I knew and did not know heard and acknowledged it, my voice, as it carried to the ends of the aisles unaided my machines.

But it’s hard not to mention the 4 months of practice, with 2 hrs/week combined practice and 1 hr/week individual training and at least 15 mins of daily practice, and Uncle J and Aunty C who were the Director of The Chorale and his wife respectively. The wonderful experience of seeing my voice and singing improve day by day under the guidance of my dear teacher, Uncle J. And it’s harder not to mention, how God fulfilled the desire of my heart, to sing for His glory, how He took me to the best teacher, and how He turned an armature into a soloist. I need another blog to write about all that. 

I can’t but marvel at God’s way of granting you the desires of your heart, especially when they are centered on God. I wanted to sing. I wanted to be a part of a choir. I wanted to always sing God’s praises. But what has given me is more than what I asked for. My wants were so minimal when I compare it with what God had in mind to give me.
4 months have passed since my birthday last year. The concert which I sang as a part of The Chorale, accompanied by The Orchestra, conducted my Uncle J, was among the most beautiful memories of my life. 

Now, as I visited them last Friday, them who were an integral part of my life in the last months of 2012, I was very happy to meet them, but guilty that I hardly practice singing. We did not sing, we had a nice chat, but I dearly missed all the singing.When I was getting ready to leave, Uncle J, who celebrated his 81st birthday the Friday before I visited them, who’s a wonderful and inspirational man, sat up from his bed and spoke to me… And after he learnt from me that I have not be practicing, He told me with his serene smiling face, 

“You are a Soloist”

Words that brought to be the realization, “I’m a Soloist!” 

He told me that I should practice daily. But I know that my voice is not where I left it 4 months back. After the concert, I din't practice. I had no drive to practice. But my!! I’m a soloist (It sounds funny to me every time I think about it, funny but magnificent) I will not let it change now, and I intend never to give it up !! I did it once, I will do it again.

PRACTICE! So that’s what am gonna do!! PRACTICE! Though it may cost some people their peaceful mornings or afternoon naps or evening’s readings.

My New Weapon

It was a fine morning and a finer one than any other morning, because I decided to read my Bible.

With a blank mind, I opened and read. And soon I was reminded about the previous night, when I was (Ironically it was April 1st, so I'd say) fooled by an Admit from a University which was for a course that I did not apply to. So, feeling dejected, I decided to pray about it and turned to a different page. Psalm 31. I read the tag line ‘Trust in God’. And with my never failing trust in God read it as a prayer from my heart.

And the first miracle happens, Checked my mail after my Bible reading session that very day and saw that I had received my most awaited admit. Praise the Lord.

And the days passed by, I was basking in the love of God, and was thankful to Him for making my days happy. Nothing can ever stop me from Praising God. Even when I’m sad, I have no reason to be so, and the sadness passes because of the realisation of God’s real presence in my life.

Meanwhile, a dear cousin of mine (@Abbs)  was in a similar need, was confused about her future and career. She is like a soul mate to me. We share and care for each other. Unlike me, she had to wait a real long time, just so that you would understand the marvel in God’s deeds, it was a 2years wait. And now she was dejected, almost giving up on her dream, confused as to why God let her have a dream which he would not fulfill.

So another fine morning turned finer as I decided to read the Bible (It was 14^th April 2013 , Sunday, hence had to rush through the reading) and wanted to discuss with God about Abbs. I opened Psalm 31 and expecting a miracle again, read it as a prayer as being said by Abbs. I told God that I put my trust in Him, and so does Abbs, and that a wait for 2 years was too long and I told Him I wanted an answer ‘TODAY right NOW! And It has to be the best for Abbs!!'

Then the second miracle happens, 9:30 in the night, that very Sunday, Abbs calls and tells me she received an admission mail that she has been awaiting. Praise the Lord!

Pride filled me! God was listening to me. I was so happy, and I felt like a child who’s been spoilt with excess love, I felt warm and peaceful. I have a new weapon, a weapon against hardships not of mine alone, but of all others who need it. But it’s a weapon a little child uses to get favours from her loving Father.

Isn’t it a great start of spring 2013? All I can do is wait for more fine mornings to pray over someone else’s need. And testify to the miracles that follow.

PS: Every Psalm(prayer) has its power. 

Gentle Advise: Some people stick to reading a few psalms, no harm whatsoever, but don’t miss to discover the meaning of other psalms as well.