Take Control

I did it again.
Watered and nourished the seedling of darkness instead of the seeds of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. Doing the same things that hurt you again and again.

I look at you like a child that ate candy that it is not supposed to. Always hoping you will overlook my flaws and love me.

This time I know how grave my sins are. And soon the seeds sown in me by the Spirit will die. Do something Lord. Water my seeds.

Discipline me, Father. Teach me what is right. Give me a whacking so I stop messing up my life.  Train me in your ways.

Take control !!

P.S. The fruits of the Holy Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,  goodness,  faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

Wash Me

Lord why are there days that look like you are not by my side
But I know you are right here

Dont walk away from me please!
Who can I turn to?
Lord, do you hate my ways?
Am I a shame to you?
Lord, you have given me evrything that I have ever asked for
and I have done nothing good in return.
You presented me a beautiful white gown and a necklace with clear white pearls.
Now I am ashamed to show myself.
Like adam and eve I hide behind the bushes.
I am stained with all my wrong doings.
I lost the pearls you gifted me.
Through my acts of selfishness. I am an epitome of lazines.
Wish I had used the talents that you gave me, better
I went and burried it under unwanted things
and now even what I had is taken away from me
you did not bring this sadness upon me
It is my own doing

Lord is this just a test or are you really gonna leave me form now?
Have you given up one me?
But I know you are right here.
In this empty room that I sit you are sitting right next to me
Seeing me cry, if you had hands you would wipe my tears away
If you willed, you can cleanse me and I shall be whiter than snow. [Psalm 51]

Lord I know that today will pass
my sadness will pass
years of my life will pass
but Your words will never pass away
So I will listen to Your words
and wait until all things pass away
and rest in You.

P.S : No P.S :D.. hahaha I shouldn't be laughing.. shhhh..

Who dosen't have a broken heart?

Sleepless nights.
Heartache.
Loneliness.
Anxiety.
Void.
Choking.
Tears.

We experience all this.
With so many questions in our head.

What do I seek?
What is our need?
Can the world ever satisfy us?
Does anybody care?
Well the future be any less painful?

Yet we make others' lives hard. Everyone is bearing a burden of their own. Most of the times it's hidden beneath a warm smile. Those of us strong enough to carry our own burden must help others carry theirs.  For we are all fighting the same thing, worldly obsessions.

It's the common struggle, of being affected emotionally. No one escapes the gallons of a breaking heart. Not I....

Nor God. He has a broken heart. He owns several scars left by people who claimed to love Him yet gave up on Him so easily.
He gave His everything and gave it all up and put His hope in humanity only to know how selfish people can be. He saw the narrow mindedness of men who went away from Him. He went as low as he could to bring them back. The ego of man blinded him from reality. By closing his door to God, he lost everything that added meaning to his life, lost the only one who cared the most about him. In darkness he lived and then realised that his meaning is with God. But it was too late. ... Yiiikesss who am I to talk on behalf of God. It's never too late to patch your relationship with God. :) :)

We all wish God would accept us no matter what we do and continue to break and tear His heart apart each day. God loves us and loves us unconditionally but there may be a time God can do nothing but reject us forever if we fail to see how great He is and How deep His love is for us.

Are you broken hearted? How much more can you take?
Are we breaking God's heart ? How much more can He take? 

Help one another and help your self . 'Love God and Love your nighbour as yourself'

It's not easy to love. I hope am not making it harder for God to love me :)

PS: I will celebrate Valentines day to celebrate God's love for me :) He will never break my heart. And thats a poster in my room !!

To be Loved

Last night I was very sad and became very emotional about life. Why is there no one to care for me ?
Like all people I was stupid enough to feel that way even though I had a lot of people around me who cared very much about me.

But there I was crying all night wondering why things are not the way I want it to be.
Scrolling through Facebook sharing emotional thoughts, I came across an Image of Christ beaten as in the Passion and lying on the cross with the words 'I LOVE YOU'.

I replied to that in thought 'Yes Lord I know that You love me, but I want to be loved on earth'
Today was a normal day having a fun time with friends and family.
Tonight I received an email about my College Assistantship and it was just perfectly as I would hav liked it. In fact it was not that way before. Something happened and it had be updated to the current form. Well I was happy.

It was completely unexpected. Then I felt that it was God's doing. I had tears in my eyes, those of happiness, for He had shown me that He really cares and how real His love is.

"There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning" -Bible Verse

I am loved :) :) :)

Jesus Christ has come into town !!

Come on Bue!! It's Christmas and you are feeling so low ?? Nooooo this is not happening!! Uh uhnnn!

(Sing it)

You better watch out
You better not cry
Bue you better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town.... partey partey !!!

He's making a list.. eeee
And checking it twice
Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice - oh yeah you bad people of the world!
Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good .. oopsy
So be good for goodness sake!

O! You better watch out!
You better not cry :D
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

Bue!! Take the next verse...

"Oh Jesus is born
Into my life
I better not pout
I tell myself why
Cos Jesus Christ has come into town !!"

Meerrrrrrry Christmas!! :* :* :* :* :*

PS. Hurray I'm posting on Chriatmas. I feel awesome !!!! No more pouts !!! 

A Train Journey

I was standing in a railway Station. An enormous train was approaching it. I wanted to board it and see where it takes me.

It stopped.

I got in and the journey began. I had a very comfortable seat.  The view outside was so beautiful cherry blossoms on either sides of the railroad.

I requested its services and was a little discontent with what the train management offered. I complained. The management concluded that they will stop providing those services.

I decided to get off the next station. I got off but thought tonmyself that I should be content with what I've got so I got on it before it started to leave.

Now I had a less comfortable seat and the management was unable to grant my requests for a first class seating.

Now the journey seemed more important to me than my comfort so I decided to sit tight and enjoy the beautiful b ore outside the window. Cities and lots of busy people I enjoyed all the new things that I had seen and was very content.

Then I saw the engine when the tracks curved still majestic and steadfast. I looked beyond it and saw where it was headed. I could almost see it that magical place carved on the horizon.

For some reason I knew not I was asked to give up my seat. I was now standing but nothing mattered for I only dreamt of the destination the train was taking me.

I was standing by the door feeling the wind against me. I felt so alive and wonderful. When suddenly I felt a push. I tried hard to hang on. With all my energy I held to the sides. "I'm almost there I can't let go now", I told myself. I continued to stand there. Another push and holding firmly I turned back and saw that the management of the train was trying to push me out. I didn't know why. I held my guard and never let go.

The train was moving at a great speed. But I had no choice for I knew now that it was not my destination. I let go of my grip and they pushed me out.

I closed my eyes and prayed. I felt warm hands catch me embrace me and place me on the ground. I opened my eyes shocked that I was still alive and did not feel any pain. Not even a scratch.

It was a miracle, I has to be. When I let go, I knew I would never have come through this alive, by here I stood firm on the ground as the train whistles past me in great speed. The dust and stones that flew with it hurt my eyes.

I cried. I did not know if I should grieve over being thrown out or be glad that I survived.

I felt the power of the Most High. I knew He was the one who secured me and saved me from the pain and agony that the fall would have brought me.

I looked ahead of the train and beyond thw trees and plainsnI.could still.see the sestination. I decided to walk toward it.

PS: I like train journeys and love to have a window seat and feel the wind blow against my face. Its such a fun thing. But one should see the way my brother and I fight over a window seat.

Putting myself to sleep

I can never have nothing to write about. 

With pleasant music playing in Pandora.
Lights off. Cozy in my bed. The fluorescent cross in my room is glowing! Another night trying to fall asleep.
I feel so peaceful nothing is in my mind (I'm convincing myself that it is so). Well I have an exam tomorrow but am done studying (by the grace of God who helped me make fruitfull use of time).
I'm working in Japan's time zone for some reason. So I'm trying hard to fall asleep in regular time.

Life is beautiful. Christmas is in the air and in my house. The semester is about to end. Peaceful thoughts.. inner peace...
I guess this post is just me putting myself to sleep :D its still fun.

Going home for Christmas. After a long time it's gonna be a usual Christmas. Nothing to grieve about and the family together.
Mue is comming over next semester. :) I ll not be alone while writing my blog posts then.
I'm just about to wish my close friend V a splendid married life.

I gave mue a list of food items I have to cover during my trip home this winter. My favourite "oily eggplant" :D

This post is probably best named as a thoughts before going to sleep. One of my thought which I wanna talk about is..
God has been so good to me. He knows what I need and what I don't. He always gives me more than I deserve. I am genuinely amazed at the way he takes care of me. He is also such a comfort when I am alone.
Noooow this is starting to take shape and make sense :D

Lovely night. The starts are shining somewhere outside the window am sure though I can't see. The snow that started melting during the day starting to freeze into solid ice.  I have a full stomach of yummy food which my room mate S cooked :)

I think I'm gonna fall asleep now.

Thank you Lord.

P.S.: My other roommate taught me this technique of thinking peaceful thoughts to fall asleep. Looks like it will wOrk. If it dosent she ain't gonna have peaceful thoughts for a while ;) :D